Monday, April 15, 2013

"Why are you doing this...?" she asked.

There were bombings today in Boston.  Planted at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  Over 140 people were injured.  We will be saturated with media speculation and analysis for the remainder of the week.  Then the attention will trickle down.  Until the next horror, then the cycle will begin again.  It's made me melancholy, no doubt.

Back in September, I was describing to a girlfriend my bi-polar schedule between my full-time job and Nathan's half-day (3 hr) Kindergarten class.
"From 6-7 is Breakfast and Play-time.  Between 7-8, we go for a walk outside.  Then from 8-9 is his computer time.  9-9:30 Homework.  10-11 Quiet Time in his room.  11-12 Lunch.  12:15, I take him to school. I pick him up at 3:15.  3:30-5:00 Snack & TV time. And I'm working in between all of this."
She stared at me.  Hard.  Then she asked, "Why are you doing this to yourself?  Why don't you just find a daycare and be done with it?"

My reply was to the point.  "Because ten years from now, I don't want to look back and regret that I didn't at least try to make this work." I continued, "When Nathan was only two months old, I sent him to a in-home daycare, while I worked and I've always regretted it.  I look back and I know I could have kept him and worked from home but I didn't.  Instead someone else raised him 8 hours every weekday and I regret it."

The timeframe of this schizophrenic schedule occurred at time when we just moved into a new house.  Furthermore, to add insult to injury, Greg also just started a new job. With his longer hours away from home, the burden of parenting fell squarely on my shoulders but I took it on...

For moments like this one; Nathan and I, holding our plates and eating lunch on the swing (pretending it's a train) and giggling about something, though I can't remember the details.

Moments like this wouldn't be possible if I handled our situation any other way.

I stated later in that conversation that I may have a nervous breakdown juggling conference calls-temper tantrums-Fusion training-child negotiations-Project ATOM-Spalding Phonograms-FY14 MPM Production and Stage-Kindergarten homework-Apps Midsize definitions-Science and Art time-OwnIt tickets-"Boo, did I scare you?" interruptions...and so on.  But what I won't have is another regret that I didn't at least try to make it work.

And days like today when disaster and uncertainty abounds coupled with the knowledge it is only a matter of time before tragedy strikes again.  It confirms...that for me, it's been the right thing to do.
But if your talking to me and I can't seem to register or comprehend what your talking about, I just have a temporary case of brain-fog.  It will clear up...eventually.  haha!!